What Younger You Can Teach You About Friendships (Spoiler, it's A lot.)

Full disclosure, I find it hard making friends as an adult. My social battery's not always full. Everyone’s busy. I want to be in bed reading by like, 7. Now you might be thinking “why does your website say you help people with adult friendships if you find it hard?!” Well, like I said, current me finds it hard. Past me though, now that guy knew a thing or two about meeting people!

Let me explain. Think back to times in life where it seemed way easier to make friends. I'm talking about school, college, jobs, summer camps, etc. All of these places have all of the things that lead to meeting others and making friends. Some of these things are:

• Frequency: Showing up somewhere enough and being visible to other people can go a long way. While it doesn’t make friendship just happen, it opens the door to meeting, talking, and building a friendship from there.

• Birds of a Feather: Just existing next to someone doesn’t mean you’ll get close with them, and honestly is a friendship based entirely on proximity really all that worthwhile? People like people they can get along with on a deeper level, who share the same: interests, passions, values, and beliefs. If you hate video games and hangout all day at an arcade, you probably won’t make a whole lot of meaningful connections.

• Conversation: Once we're at the place and with the people, small talk is the next step. People dread small talk and sometimes have a hard time with focusing on what to say next, instead of what’s being said. Whether small talk is easy or hard for you, it’s an important part of connection.

• Hobbies and Interests: Small talk is really, really hard if we don’t have a whole lot going on in our lives to talk about. Engaging in hobbies, interests, passions, not only feeds the soul, but gives us something to connect with others over.

Keep these in mind the next time you want to connect with others and build out your social life. Ever think “I know how to talk to people, I’m just too anxious to do it” or “I have no idea what I even like” or any other thoughts that get in the way of socializing? Reach out today to learn how I can help you out with that!

References: Linehan, M. M. (2015). DBT® skills training manual (2nd ed.). The Guilford Press.